Why So Many Girls, Women, and Gender-Diverse People Are Misdiagnosed Before Discovering Their Autism

If you’ve ever thought: “Something about me feels different, but I can’t quite explain it,” you’re not alone. For many autistic women, girls, and gender-diverse people who were socialized as female, the path to understanding themselves is full of pain and misdirection.

Instead of clarity and support early in life, many spend years—sometimes decades—being misdiagnosed with conditions like anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, or eating disorders. These conditions are real and can co-occur, but when autism goes unrecognized, treatment often focuses only on surface symptoms—leaving people feeling unseen, misunderstood, or even harmed by well-intentioned providers.

Why Autism Often Gets Missed in Girls and AFAB Individuals

Here are some of the main reasons why so many go undiagnosed or misdiagnosed for so long:

1. Outdated Research and Gender Bias For decades, most autism research focused on boys. Diagnostic criteria were shaped around a “male model,” leaving many autistic girls, women, and AFAB individuals overlooked simply because they didn’t fit the picture doctors were trained to see.

2. Masking and Survival Strategies From a young age, many autistic girls and AFAB individuals learn to copy others to fit social expectations—smiling when unsure, memorizing social scripts, or pushing through sensory overwhelm. On the outside they may seem “fine,” but inside it’s exhausting. Masking often develops as a survival response to stigma or unsafe environments, and while it can help someone get by, it comes at a heavy emotional cost.

3. Subtle Social Struggles Many autistic people want friendships—but navigating them can feel confusing or draining. You might have one or two very close friends but find group settings overwhelming. Because these challenges aren’t always obvious, they’re easy for others to miss.

4. Interests That Don’t Seem “Different Enough” Special interests are a hallmark of autism, but when those interests look “typical” (like books, animals, or fashion), they don’t raise red flags the way more stereotypical interests sometimes do. The difference is often in the intensity of the interest, not the topic itself.

5. Mental Health Challenges as Side Effects Years of masking, pushing through overwhelm, or feeling “different” can lead to anxiety, depression, or burnout. Professionals may focus on treating those symptoms while missing the autism underneath.

The Emotional Impact of Misdiagnosis

Living for years without the right framework can feel incredibly isolating. You might wonder why life feels harder than it seems for others, or why typical advice never works for you. Many describe finally discovering autism as both relieving and overwhelming—a moment of clarity that explains so much, but also brings grief for the years spent misunderstood.

These barriers are even greater for autistic people of color, whose differences are more likely to be overlooked or misinterpreted due to racial bias in healthcare and education.

How a Neurodivergent Coach Can Help

Whether you’re newly diagnosed, self-identifying, or still exploring, a coach who understands neurodivergence can make the process easier, safer, and more empowering. Here’s how:

• Validation: Offering a space where your differences are celebrated, not questioned.

• Unmasking Support: Helping you gently peel back layers of masking to reconnect with your authentic self.

• Strength-Based Tools: Identifying and amplifying your natural skills, from creativity to problem-solving.

• Daily Strategies: Building routines, executive function supports, and sensory-friendly practices that actually fit your life.

• Empowerment: Supporting you in setting boundaries, communicating your needs, and advocating for yourself at school, work, or home.

A Final Word

If parts of this post resonate with you, know this: you’re not broken, you’ve never been “too much” or “not enough”—you’ve simply been misunderstood. Discovering autism isn’t about putting yourself in a box; it’s about finally having a framework that makes sense of your lived experience.

As a neurodivergent coach, I walk alongside girls, women, and gender-diverse people who are exploring or embracing their autistic identity. If you’re curious about what support could look like for you, I’d love to connect. Together, we can explore strategies that help you feel seen, supported, and strong in who you are.